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Ways to Support your Partner
- Try to listen and believe them
- Ask what they need - don't guess
- Learn about the effects of abuse and the recovery process
- Help them make choices
- Accept and validate their feelings
- Recognise there can be many stages in the healing journey
- Ask if it's OK to hug or touch them rather than assume its OK to
- Understand that each person will find different ways of dealing with the effects of abuse
- Encourage them to get help when they are ready
- Find therapy, or support, for yourself
- Respect boundaries and limits
- Learn and practise time out skills to avoid arguments
- Gently communicate about your sexual relationship and be patient with this
- Find time to be together, and also time to be apart
- Blame the abuser(s), NEVER the survivor
- Plan for crises (including possible suicidal thoughts)
- Acknowledge progress in the healing process
- Know that the person's experiences of the abuse are only part of them, not all of them
Things to try and avoid if possible:
- Avoid blaming your partner
- Don't defend or threaten to harm the perpetrator
- Don't tell others about the abuse without their permission
- Try not to promise things you can't give
- It is unhelpful to tell them to forget the abuse and move on
- Don't try to convince your partner to confront the abuser
- Try not to overwhelm your partner with your own anger - find other ways of dealing with your own anger if you can
- Try not to take any outbursts personally
- Don't force forgiveness or cheerfulness on your partner
- Don't try to hurry the recovery process
- Make sure you don't isolate yourself
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