Ways to Support your Partner

• Try to listen and believe them
• Ask what they need - don't guess
• Learn about the effects of abuse and the recovery process
• Help them make choices
• Accept and validate their feelings
• Recognise there can be many stages in the healing journey
• Ask if it's OK to hug or touch them rather than assume its OK to
• Understand that each person will find different ways of dealing with the effects of abuse
• Encourage them to get help when they are ready
• Find therapy, or support, for yourself
• Respect boundaries and limits
• Learn and practise time out skills to avoid arguments
• Gently communicate about your sexual relationship and be patient with this
• Find time to be together, and also time to be apart
• Blame the abuser(s), NEVER the survivor
• Plan for crises (including possible suicidal thoughts)
• Acknowledge progress in the healing process
• Know that the person's experiences of the abuse are only part of them, not all of them

Things to try and avoid if possible:

• Avoid blaming your partner
• Don't defend or threaten to harm the perpetrator
• Don't tell others about the abuse without their permission
• Try not to promise things you can't give
• It is unhelpful to tell them to forget the abuse and move on
• Don't try to convince your partner to confront the abuser
• Try not to overwhelm your partner with your own anger - find other ways of dealing with your own anger if you can
• Try not to take any outbursts personally
• Don't force forgiveness or cheerfulness on your partner
• Don't try to hurry the recovery process
• Make sure you don't isolate yourself